Self Improvement 1: Talk to People and Solve Your Problems
Do you want to have less stress and be happier?
Tackle the problems you have with other people.
Sometimes we try to solve the problems by avoiding them. But you will soon find out that problems are connected to people and when you ignore people or go into hiding people tend to get mad.
To ease your mind and worry less talk to people. Start with a list of issues you might have and decide to do something about it. Avoiding problems can lead to lasting depression.
Talk about what happened, what’s the situation. Explain the situation. What could be the potential resolution to the problem and what are you going to do next.
The steps to work out most of the problems you might have.
- List your shortcomings
- Talk about what happened
- Ask what you can do to fix the situation
- Confirm that the problem is solved
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. – George Bernard Shaw
Talk to people!
You can solve almost any situation if you stay in contact and keep communicating.
- Answer the calls you don’t want to take,
- reply to emails you don’t want to reply to, and
- have that talk you have been putting off for some time now.
Talk to people, solve the problem and you are free. If you ignore people, they may eventually stop bothering you, but you will always be uncomfortable around them or even when they are mentioned.
Apologize for whatever happened
If there’s a problem, then the other side thinks that you have done something wrong. You may not share that opinion. But these are their feelings. You can’t change the situation by telling them that they are wrong.
They may think that you messed up in some way, then the apology is appropriate. They may even think that they did something wrong but are afraid to admit it. In both cases, your sincere apology opens the communication channels to go forward.
List your shortcomings
The next step would be to list the ways that you could have handled the situation better. Whatever happened, if there’s a misunderstanding then you might have avoided it with better communication. If you can’t think of anything else then just say that you were not clear in your explanations and you will make an effort to fix that.
Talk about what happened
The most common way for relationships to deteriorate and become problems is trying to find out who’s fault it is.
Do not do that!
Always talk about what happened and how the situation may be improved. Take the people out of it and focus on how to fix things.
Your explanation is the justification for your actions. When you have a problem then usually the other site does not think your explanations are valid. The explanations also indicate that your partner’s explanations are wrong.
Ask what the other side sees as a solution
You know what you want to do. And sometimes you don’t know how to fix something. Always ask the other site what they see as a solution to the issue at hand. Use open questions:
- How can I do to solve this?
- What do you think is a good solution?
- Do you need something I’ve missed?
Usually the how and what questions are the best. If you keep asking them, then your partner will lay out the solution to your problem. If they propose something that you can’t agree to, then keep asking how you can do this thing, if you don’t get something want them to do.
Go through these steps when you have problems with people that seem hard to solve and inconvenient. But you don’t have to fix everything.
Confirm that the problem has been solved
When it seems that you have arrived at the solution you have to confirm that. The other side may let it go because they are exhausted. They may think it’s too much work to arrive at the reasonable solution. Always try to find out if the solution you have arrived at is really something that the other person wants.
A: “Huston, we have a problem!”
A: “Never mind.”
B: “What’s the problem?”
B: “Please tell us!”
A: “I’m fine.”
When everything works out and you are sure that the problem is solved, then you can write a thank you letter.
Sometimes you have to let it go
In some cases, you can decide to let it go. If the other person is really toxic or you think there’s no common ground you can reach, then walk away. However, make sure that walking away is not your default mode.
When you talk to people about the problem, you will get a resolution and a clear path to how things are going to be fixed. Maybe you are still on debt or have to do something for the other side but you will get it out of your subconscious, and you have less thing to worry about.
Talking to people will help you get a grip on reality, and then this will make your life better right now. Making yourself to deal with your problems will improve your willpower, and it’ll be easier next time.
Now take action: make that phone call or send that email that you have been putting off.
Image credit by Daniel Foster