How to Get the Skill of Self-Confidence: Dr. Ivan Joseph [VIDEO]
Self-confidence is one of the most important skills you can have. Believe in yourself!
If you think you can do it, or you think you can’t do it, You are right.
As the Athletic Director and head coach of the Varsity Soccer team at Ryerson University, Dr. Joseph is often asked what skills he is searching for as a recruiter: is it speed? Strength? Agility?
In Dr. Joseph’s TED Talk confidence gets a new perspective. He explores the skill of self-confidence and how it is not just the most important skill in athletics but in our lives.
Without self-confidence we are useless. Self-confidence is the belief that no matter what we can accomplish the task at hand. This self-confidence TED talk shows how this is a skill that can be trained.
Tactics to build self-confidence
Repetition, repetition, repetition. 10,000 hours. Confidence is a skill we want to be confident in, it needs to be familiar to us.
For example, salespeople with self-confidence are more likely to set high goals and therefore more likely to stay employed.
One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation. ~~Arthur Ashe
19 things you can do to boost self-confidence
- Set yourself up to win – sometimes I say that the key to happiness is low expectations. But that’s not true. Set your aim high, and even if you fall short, you will get better results than going after mediocre and safe goals.
- Be prepared – practice your message or presentation. Do it in front of the mirror. Go through scenarios and roleplay your behavior of the actual situation. What might they say, how would you respond? You can’t think through everything, but all practice will make you more confident.
- Visualize yourself as you want to be – similarly to practicing the content of your interaction, think about how you present yourself physically. How will you sit, move, and stand? You can practice that too.
- Affirm yourself – I find self-affirmations to be useful in reinforcing the image you want to cultivate about yourself. Do not go over the top but be kind to yourself so that your affirmations are kind but believable.
- Do one thing that scares you every day – you don’t have to do the scariest thing. Work your way up to that by doing something that feels slightly awkward. Then, as you progress, the scariest thing will become the “slightly awkward thing”.
- Take the 100 days of rejection challenge – a specific scary thing is rejection. Fear of rejection is often the reason we sell ourselves short and won’t ask for what we need or even deserve. Go out every day and look for rejection. When you do this, you will desensitize yourself to the pain of rejection.
- Question your inner critic – we notice our every mistake and think that everybody else noticed it too. Don’t worry; people are too busy thinking about what makes them nervous to pay any attention to your mistakes.
- Help someone else – take one day of the week when you put in a lot of effort to help others. Don’t sprinkle the helping over the longer periods. Go all in and do a big chunk of giving at once. As Adam Grant writes in “Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success,” this is the most effective way to give an get the benefits of giving.
- Think positive and kill negative thoughts – focus on the positive side of the things. You will win, or you will learn, either way, you get something of value out of everything you do. Even if something bad happens, find the silvery lining. You will not always succeed but keep doing it.
- Learn new things and increase competence – every bit of knowledge you accumulate helps you see yourself in a better light. Keep learning new things, be curious, find out how things work, and use that when you are in situations where you need confidence.
- Set a small goal and achieve it – one pushup doesn’t matter, one sales call will not get results, one article will not make you a great writer. But 1,000 will! Break your goals into pieces so small that they are easy to achieve, then smash those small goals relentlessly, every day. Repetition and consistency will get you the results.
- Exercise – maybe you don’t like to pump iron. Maybe you think that running is a form of torture. Find out what is the smallest amount of workout you can tolerate and start from there. Start with walking every day.
- Stand tall – with your shoulders back.
- Be kind and generous.
- Change a small habit.
- Focus on solutions and what you can change.
- Smile and look people in the eye.
- Be grateful.
- Celebrate the small stuff.
If your self-confidence is on the rock bottom, then you might find it hard to believe in your affirmations.
“I am the best!” might seem like a lie.
Start with baby steps. There are some accomplishments that you have managed over the course of your life. For example, I’m pretty certain you can read. There are a lot of people who can’t read. You have mastered that skill.
The key to happiness is low expectations.
But you found this article. Seems you have a goal and that is a step that most people do not take. You are way ahead of them.
Keep going and self-affirming.
Build up self-confidence in others by focusing on their positive behavior. Catch them when they are good. Don’t beat them down when they make a mistake. Show the instances where everything went well.
Giving people self-confidence is by far the most important thing that I can do. Because then they will act. ~ Jack Welch
Interpret all feedback as you want it to be. For example, if a girl tells you “I will go on a date with you if you are the last man on Earth.” You interpret it: Great! There’s a chance.
Photo on Visualhunt